He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
