whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
