ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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