Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
