I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
