I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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