4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
