Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
