I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
