I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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