Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
