she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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