All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
COCAINE IS GR8
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
