Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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