we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
