Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
