I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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