So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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