one two three fourrrrnication!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
