Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
