Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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