Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
