I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
