also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
