I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
