just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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