So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
