I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
