recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i've created a new STD.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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