Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
