you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't turn off my feet"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
