Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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