sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
accomplished twins. life is a go
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
