hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
