Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
