Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
