I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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