I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize