Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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