Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
