I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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