I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
