Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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