at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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