do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
