Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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