I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize
