Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
