Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
