so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
