My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
