i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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