shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
