great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
