You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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