my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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