i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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