Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
