I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
