had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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