just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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