he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did i walk over a car last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
