put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
