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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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