I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
