My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
