please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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