do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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