What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
