i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
