you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
