i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
NoShamevember. You game?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
