so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this just has baby written all over it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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