he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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