I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
