I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
