I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to make a zoo with you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
