I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
