God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
