so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
