she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
