he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
