hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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